Facing fears, living life as planned after the loss of a spouse
I took my bicycle to the canal to face my fear of riding my bicycle since my beloved husband Ed died of a sudden heart attack while riding his.
My car is small, so to fit my bicycle in, I had to remove the front wheel. Ed showed me how a few times, but I never really learned, because I would just ask him to do it for me, and he did. I asked our 29-year-old son, Jordan, to show me again. This time, I was determined to learn to do it on my own.
I took the wheel off and lifted the bike into my car. I drove to the canal and put the wheel back on and rode my bike, feeling Ed cheering me on as the wind rushed into my face.
I won’t let fear keep me from doing the things I enjoyed doing with Ed. I won’t let fear keep me from living the life Ed and I planned. I have engagements, weddings, grandchildren, travel and much more waiting for me to experience. Ed will be right there with me cheering me on as I feel the wind of life rushing into my face.
I will eventually enjoy every minute of the life God has still given me to live, but first I must begin to heal this chasm of a hole that is in my heart. I must let those who want to help me heal help me. That is so hard for me, since I like to be the one helping, but I do not like to be helped. Even Jesus accepted help carrying his cross. I want to be like Jesus. Please, God, help me be like your beloved Son. Help me heal. Help me live.
Leonor “Leo” and Ed Rivera were members of the local Worldwide Marriage Encounter community for 32 of their 34 years of marriage until Ed unexpectedly died of a heart attack on Aug 1, 2020. To learn more about Worldwide Marriage Encounter, visit www.wwme.org. The next in-person Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend is Nov. 20-22 at Notre Dame Retreat House in Canandaigua. Or try the new virtual multiweek experience. To read more of Leo and Ed’s blogs, visit https://catholiccourier.com/viewpoints/blogs/to-have-and-to-hold.