I took my bicycle to the canal to face my fear of riding my bicycle since my beloved husband Ed died of a sudden heart attack while riding his.
My car is small, so to fit my bicycle in, I had to remove the front wheel. Ed showed me how a few times, but I never really learned, because I would just ask him to do it for me, and he did. I asked our 29-year-old son, Jordan, to show me again. This time, I was determined to learn to do it on my own.
I took the wheel off and lifted the bike into my car. I drove to the canal and put the wheel back on and rode my bike, feeling Ed cheering me on as the wind rushed into my face.
I won’t let fear keep me from doing the things I enjoyed doing with Ed. I won’t let fear keep me from living the life Ed and I planned. I have engagements, weddings, grandchildren, travel and much more waiting for me to experience. Ed will be right there with me cheering me on as I feel the wind of life rushing into my face.
I will eventually enjoy every minute of the life God has still given me to live, but first I must begin to heal this chasm of a hole that is in my heart. I must let those who want to help me heal help me. That is so hard for me, since I like to be the one helping, but I do not like to be helped. Even Jesus accepted help carrying his cross. I want to be like Jesus. Please, God, help me be like your beloved Son. Help me heal. Help me live.
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Leonor “Leo” and Ed Rivera were members of the local Worldwide Marriage Encounter community for 32 of their 34 years of marriage until Ed unexpectedly died of a heart attack on Aug 1, 2020. To learn more about Worldwide Marriage Encounter, visit www.wwme.org. The next in-person Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend is Nov. 20-22 at Notre Dame Retreat House in Canandaigua. Or try the new virtual multiweek experience. To read more of Leo and Ed’s blogs, visit https://catholiccourier.com/viewpoints/blogs/to-have-and-to-hold.
