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Today I overheard a young woman talking on her cell phone. She said to her beloved, "If this marriage is going to work, you are going to have to start doing your fair share. Marriage has to be 50-50."
I wanted to take that young woman aside and talk to her about my experience of marriage. John and I have learned that the idea that marriage is 50-50 does not work. If John and I each give our "fair share" of 50 percent, it is not enough. Marriage takes much more than that. We have found that each of us has to give 100 percent to our marriage.
If John and I each give 50 percent to our marriage, our relationship becomes full of measuring and calculating. When John needs something from me, I might start to think I have already given my 50 percent and feel resentful. In the same way, when John sees that he is putting in more than his 50 percent, he might wonder why he has to work harder than I do to make our marriage strong.
But, when John and I are each committed to giving 100 percent to making our marriage the best it can be, the measuring stops. I know that John is doing his very best to strengthen our marriage, and he trusts that I am doing the same. At times, one of us may be stronger than the other, but we are each still giving our all.
When we are able to stop judging whether we are receiving our "fair share" in our marriage, we are living the model of Christ, who held nothing back in his love for us. Just as Christ gave everything, even his life, for us, we are called to give everything for each other. One hundred percent. We do not always succeed, but that is our calling and our goal.
