Southern Tier mother advocates for awareness on suicide

PAINTED POST — On Dec. 4, 2017, upon returning home from bell-choir practice, Betsy Carisetti discovered 17 missed phone calls from Washington, D.C.

That’s where her son, Michael, resided. Carisetti sensed immediately that the calls were about him — and not for good reason.

Her instincts were correct.

Police had been attempting to reach Carisetti after finding that Michael, 33, had taken his life in his apartment.

“It’s horrible to lose a child when they die by suicide. There’s guilt — what did I do, what didn’t I do, what could I have done,” said Carisetti, a member of St. John Vianney Parish in Bath and Hammondsport.

In the ensuing years, Carisetti has honored her son’s memory by immersing herself in suicide-related advocacy. Her efforts are in line with several organizations that annually honor September as National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month and Sept. 10 as World Suicide Prevention Day.

A big part of Carisetti’s advocacy is encouraging more open discussion. While acknowledging that the subject matter can at first be uncomfortable, she emphasized that embracing the topic leads to increased awareness and might even help people considering suicide to change their minds.

“There’s a stigma that is hopefully leaving or fading,” Carisetti said.

Southern Tier parishioner recalls her son as ‘a great guy’

Carisetti and her former husband, Dominic, adopted Michael when he was a month old. A 2003 graduate of Haverling High School in Bath, he went on to attend Virginia Polytechnic Institute, graduating in 2007, before becoming a civil engineer in Washington, D.C.

According to Betsy Carisetti, her son was highly regarded by his peers.

“He was a great guy,” she said. “He was a very good friend and a helper. I never heard him say bad things about people. Michael was the go-to guy, somebody who you would always go to when you needed advice.”

However, she added, “I don’t know whether he didn’t feel comfortable telling people he was having difficulty, because he was the person other people went to.”

In August of 2017, she said, Michael had a crisis during which he said he was thinking about harming himself. He received hospital treatment and appeared to be faring much better when he came home to the Southern Tier for a Thanksgiving visit.

But back in Washington, a little over a week later, Michael alerted emergency authorities via text message that he was about to take his life; then he did so.

Mother’s advocacy seeks to deepen awareness about suicide

In the aftermath of Michael’s death, his mother came to realize she shouldn’t be silent about the tragedy. Beginning in 2018, she has taken part annually in “Walk a Mile in My Shoes,” a fundraising and awareness-raising effort of the Chemung County Suicide Prevention Coalition. Her team of walkers is called “Michael’s Hope.”

She said she now more fully appreciates the importance of engaging in dialogue with a person exhibiting suicidal tendencies, rather than fearing that he or she will become angry and/or go through with the suicide.

“If you see something, don’t be afraid to say something,” she said. “The person who is struggling really needs to talk about it.”

In addition, Betsy Carisetti has become more sensitive to the inner anguish that Michael and others like him may have been experiencing. She denounces the term “committing suicide,” saying it gives the impression that somebody who takes his or life has committed a crime.

“The person who does this isn’t a criminal,” she said. “You don’t know what’s going on in people. You don’t know what struggles they’re facing.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that suicide is frequently associated with such factors as a history of depression and mental illness, other illness and pain, legal matters, finances, substance abuse, employment, bullying, loss of relationships, family history of suicide, and social isolation.

While stating that suicide rejects God’s gift of life, the Catechism of the Catholic Church also notes that such an action can be prompted by “grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture” (No. 2282). The catechism adds that “we should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance” (No. 2283).

Betsy Carisetti is confident of her son’s salvation, saying, “I cannot allow myself to think that God would say to anybody who is struggling like this, ‘You can’t come to heaven.’ I know Michael is there.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Help is available for those in suicidal crisis or other emotional distress. Call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. Other options are 877-968-8491 (Youthline, ages 10-24); 800-985-5990 (Disaster Distress Helpline, multilingual); and thetrevorproject.org or 866-488-7386 (LGBTQ+).

To learn more about suicide prevention training, visit www.walkamile.net/community-trainings.

In addition, several organizations offer online information on suicide warning signs, risk factors, statistics, and opportunities for treatment and prevention.