You can't make this stuff up! - Catholic Courier

You can’t make this stuff up!

If my three children had been around when Art Linkletter was doing those "Kids Say the Darndest Things" segments in the 1950s and ’60s, they might have become regulars on his TV show.

Linkletter’s premise was simple: chat with youngsters about anything and everything, and see what priceless gems spill out of their mouths.

At our house, we’ve been collecting quality material for several years now. The quotes started out as "Andrewisms," named for our oldest kid, but Matthew and Catherine also have proven quite capable of one-liners that belong in some sort of Hall of Fame.

Among my favorites:

Andrew, age 4, sneezes a few times:

Me: "Andrew, do you have a cold?"

Andrew: "No, I have a warm."

Andrew, 5, accidentally smashes his posterior against a pew during Mass:

In the otherwise silent church, he blares out "Ow, I hurt my behind!"

As heads turn, he bends over and just as audibly requests the kids’ cure-all for boo-boos:

"Daddy, please kiss my behind."

Matthew, 6, during the sign of peace following a mini-shoving match with his brother:

"Peace be with you, Andrew. I hate you."

Catherine, 7, during a dinner conversation:

"Don’t interrupt me, I’m finally thinking!"

Matthew, 9, observing a light rain falling:

"It’s raining kittens and puppies." (As opposed to cats and dogs.)

During a backyard picnic, Andrew, 7, runs inside and cranks open a kitchen window. He returns outside and resumes eating:

Me: "Andrew, why did you open the window?"

Andrew: "I needed fresh air."

Matthew, 7, meets a woman with a short haircut:

Matthew: "Are you a boy or a girl?"

Woman: "Well, I’m wearing a dress, you know."

Matthew: "I know … but are you a boy or a girl?"

Woman: "I’m a girl!"

Matthew: "Well, you look like a boy."


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